Sunday, September 13, 2009

relationship or friendship?

at the moment I really feel down. I hate night time and dont know why. it seems everything just sucks. I just came back from my holiday but seriously when I came back it feel everything so sucks.
The reason why I went to holiday is to meet my male friend that I terrible love and care about. But when people ask me why you go for holiday by yourself I always lied to myself and everyone saying "oh just for shopping, you know to look outside of Perth."

We share alot of common and I feel connection with him. But I dont know how he feels about me and I'm too chicken out to ask him as I dont know what I want in my life if i want relationship or friendship? I've been hurt before in relationship so I guess Im not ready to have 1 yet. I felt that he's so genuine and gentle and I enjoy being with him. I dont even know why I like him so much. All my friends said its becouse he took me out from my mysery previous bad relationship and show me there's plenty of gentleman out there. He's 38 and Im 20 I know there's alot of age different but being around him I feel so find and secure. By the way he doesnt look like his age people always thought he's 25.

At my holiday, we didnt spent much time as he's too busy and to him his job is really important to keep him going and my last day of my holiday is sucks too coz i didnt get to see him at all coz he got food poisoning. He sent me a text saying he was terribly sorry for being a bad host and would sent me a letter when he gets better.

By the time I get to perth I felt everything so empty and there's not so much going on in my life. My mind constantly thinking about him all the time trying to figure out what I want in my life. I want relationship or friendship. I told him how I enjoy my single life in Perth and he told me he enjoy being single too. But I guess deep down inside I want more than friendship but both of us just not ready yet.

Eventhough we didnt spent much time in Melbourne, I always treassure every moment we had. Its so different. We make love but it was so special I wouldnt call it sex coz its so special I never felt that way before. My friend said we cant call it frienship anymore coz we had sex and its not right for friends to have sex. Is it true?

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